But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
50% drunk capacity currently
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
