I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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