I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
