have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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