Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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