you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
