remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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