Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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