I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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