Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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