I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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