I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
