you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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