Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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