Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
