he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
