I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
