all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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