I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
