I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
