he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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