I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
