RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
