i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
