the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was confusing and full of hummus
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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