I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize