I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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