His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You made out with two different species that night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
