this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
