I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
