half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
