the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's always time for handjobs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
