i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
