Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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