I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize