There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
