There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
