stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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