I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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