This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize