If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
