I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
