i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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