Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
