I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
