Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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