the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
