I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
