operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
