be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
