Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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