i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's get the cat blown out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
