the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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