I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
