She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
