Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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