Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
