I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
