If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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