god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
