I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
