Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
