Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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