How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
