so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
