Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
