Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize