Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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