i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
