I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
