tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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