No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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