dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
