Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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