Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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